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Poem Dusk at the Coast
19-11-2011, 03:24 PM
Post: #1
200
Photo Dusk at the Coast
Shore-ward come the waves,
An iridescent luminance they gave!
The colours shifting into multiple shades;
Nature's own palette, the open glades!

The Sun sets down before the night,
Into dusk it goes, a magnificent twilight!
I turn my head up to see the moon rise;
It's sparkling colour, the shade of rice.

The Oceans swallow me into the depths;
From under the surface, I see it wefts.
The Albatrosses flow as one up above,
They fly so smoothly, I don't know how

The never-ending waves push me back to the shore;
The Ocean bath has left me refreshed to the core.
I see that night has fallen and left the Sky sully,
I begin to realize that there is no end to this cyclic melancholy!

"If you want to force your opinion onto other People, You most likely have to harvest the wind of the storm you Seeded! So, Live and Let Live!" - Me
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22-12-2011, 03:08 PM (This post was last modified: 25-12-2011 08:27 PM by clumsysoul.)
Post: #2
200
RE: Dusk at the Coast
Wow! This one brought back many memories of my brief stays near the seaside. Um, except for the albatross part. Haven't seen one of those, ever! Huh

But great poem, ryptyq! clap You've got a nice way of looking at the ocean. It mostly just scares me after sunset, and I start remembering Coleridge's depiction.
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22-12-2011, 04:20 PM (This post was last modified: 22-12-2011 04:25 PM by AccuviZion.)
Post: #3
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RE: Dusk at the Coast
Yeah, I was thinking of the sky above the waves and what would be a good personification of it. But, instead of a personification, I ended up with a sea bird as the representative! Tongue

Thank You! I really appreciate it! Big Grin Honored
Coleridge? The guy who wrote Kubla Khan, right?

And, BTW, It's Ryptyq! With a "Q"! Smile

"If you want to force your opinion onto other People, You most likely have to harvest the wind of the storm you Seeded! So, Live and Let Live!" - Me
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22-12-2011, 04:24 PM
Post: #4
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RE: Dusk at the Coast
Oh, so that's what you meant by talking about albatrosses flowing. I did wonder ...

Well, okay, that line has gone from being a little cheesy in my head to really cool. Biggrin



Yeah, the same guy. Smile
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22-12-2011, 04:26 PM
Post: #5
200
RE: Dusk at the Coast
Huh? What made that line cheesy? Confused You could say the line about the rice, that was pretty cheesy! Tongue

"If you want to force your opinion onto other People, You most likely have to harvest the wind of the storm you Seeded! So, Live and Let Live!" - Me
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22-12-2011, 04:33 PM
Post: #6
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RE: Dusk at the Coast
Um, you know, 'cause I didn't understand why you'd use albatrosses, and then figured you may have done it because you read books on albatrosses being common near the seaside in other countries.


Nooo! That 'shade of rice' thing isn't cheesy; it's cute! Biggrin Things like that are actually my favourite part of poems. Because there you are, reading this kind of serious poem, on the magnificence of something or the other, and then there's that tongue-in-cheek, silly line, and it just makes everything more enjoyable. Biggrin

Huh, did that make sense? Well, even if it didn't ....
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24-12-2011, 01:05 PM
Post: #7
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RE: Dusk at the Coast
wow! took me to the sea too Smile Brilliant. clap

Author of general fiction novel Dream's Sake
http://www.jyotiarora.com/

Dream's Sake on Reader's Enclave: http://readersenclave.com/Thread-Dream-s...53#pid6053
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24-12-2011, 01:22 PM
Post: #8
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RE: Dusk at the Coast
Thank You! I would appreciate some critical feedback to improve, but, thank you so much! Big Grin I really appreciate it! Smile

"If you want to force your opinion onto other People, You most likely have to harvest the wind of the storm you Seeded! So, Live and Let Live!" - Me
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24-12-2011, 05:09 PM
Post: #9
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RE: Dusk at the Coast
(24-12-2011 01:22 PM)AccuviZion Wrote:  Thank You! I would appreciate some critical feedback to improve, but, thank you so much! Big Grin I really appreciate it! Smile

critical feedback? hmm...well, I didn't like the two big words in the second line. But that's just my personal taste interfering, I think. I always prefer simple words, especially in a poem. Poems should make you think, but if they make you reach out for a dictionary, the magic gets broken. (that didn't happen in ur poem though as I knew both those words Tongue )

Author of general fiction novel Dream's Sake
http://www.jyotiarora.com/

Dream's Sake on Reader's Enclave: http://readersenclave.com/Thread-Dream-s...53#pid6053
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14-02-2012, 02:41 PM
Post: #10
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RE: Dusk at the Coast
@[JyotiArora]: Thanks for your opinion, I'll try to write simpler poems! Tongue

"If you want to force your opinion onto other People, You most likely have to harvest the wind of the storm you Seeded! So, Live and Let Live!" - Me
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